“Hiding in my room, safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me
I am a rock
I am an island
And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries.” – Paul Simon
Today’s post is about what we can do to help ourselves and others. As you may have guessed, I am running short on new things to say, so my posts are getting less frequent. There is still much to address about addiction and I am always learning, so I will continue to create posts when I have something meaningful to add.
Reaching out
If you are one of the fortunate people that is not directly impacted by addiction, what can you do to help? The best thing that you can do is understand what addiction is and how it affects the brain, either through my blog or other resources. Armed with that knowledge, I would like you to find a better solution to this epidemic than the solutions that we have now. Many people that are far smarter than me are doing this already and we haven’t found the magic bullet, yet. So, the chances that you will be the one to find it are slim, but you may just be that person. One thing I know is that this problem will not be solved by someone who doesn’t understand it.
Let’s say that you are not the person that is going to uncover the answer to addiction’s hold on society. There are other things that you can do that while not as profound, may be more rewarding and meaningful to you and to those around you. Once you understand addiction, you can help by:
- Not avoiding people that you know are struggling with family issues as a result of addiction. You may not have time to talk or feel up to it, but a pleasant “hello” can mean a lot to someone feeling alone in a monumental struggle. We do notice when you duck down a store isle to avoid us. You don’t owe it to us to take time out of your busy day, but simply acknowledging us goes a long way.
- Talking to us if you have the time. The isolation that frequently accompanies this disease is awful. Everyone is afraid to bring it up. You don’t have to talk about the problem, just talk about anything and listen. Trust me, you will not say anything that will make things worse.
- Being aware of what you say in public. I am not one of those people that believe you need to be politically correct nor am I overly sensitive about my situation. It would be helpful if you keep in mind what you understand about addiction and speak accordingly. There are many people that somehow think that they intuitively know all that they need to know about addiction, and they are looking for comrades. Please don’t feed their ignorance by saying things that support the thought that “they must be from a bad family” or “they do it to themselves”. You know better.
- Getting involved in your community to help people who are struggling whether it be from addiction or some other problem. If you can find the time and we all probably can find some time, help those less fortunate. It very likely will help you more than it will help them.
- Helping to educate people. If you are one of those people that is good at conveying information or are naturally persuasive, talk to people about addiction. Spread the knowledge. Diminish the ignorance.
Caught in the Web
What if you are one of the many unfortunate people that are being directly impacted by addiction? Well, if you enjoyed the Lord of the Rings movies, you probably remember when Frodo got tangled in the web of the giant spider. Sometimes, that is what our life feels like. When you have a loved one struggling with addiction that is what your life feels like most of the time. Every move you make to free yourself from the web only seems to entangle you more. So, you hide, you isolate, you suffer in silence. That is probably the worst thing that you can do.
I have said this before, but it bears repeating, “Take care of yourself first.” Find support groups. Try them out and see which ones help you. Some offer strength through religion. Some offer a twelve-step program to guide your way. Some offer a place to be heard and to meet others in a similar position. Some are what I call “misery loves company”, where you can have a chance to feel sorry for yourself (rightfully so) and be around others that feel the same way and understand. Sometimes an exercise group is what you need.
As I said above, helping others frequently helps you more than it helps them. That is one of the major concepts in AA. So, perhaps you should consider doing volunteer work, if you can find the time and energy. Volunteering makes you feel good about yourself and it gives you something to focus on, other than your struggles.
Another way to help yourself is to share your experiences. Part of the reason that the stigmas around addiction so stubbornly persist is that people only see the worst. When people are not knowledgeable about something, they tend to take the limited observations they have and draw grand conclusions. That is human nature, to simplify what we don’t know to make it easy to package away in our mind. Help people see that what they observe is not the whole story. Unsimplify their understanding!
Lead by Example – Tooting My Own Horn
This blog has been one way for me to give back and help move us closer to an answer to this addiction crisis. But many times in this blog, I have suggested what you should do to help. Just to let you know that I don’t just talk, I also walk the walk, let me tell you about what is happening in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.
A few friends, my wife and I are establishing a support group called Storm Riders specifically for people who are dealing with a loved one’s addiction. A flyer for this group is on this page. This group will meet every 1st and 3rd Wednesday of the month, starting May 1st. This group will provide a safe place to be heard and find help without any other agenda (commercial, religious, political, etc.). The group will have no hierarchy or leaders. Just a place to where people can end their isolation and find a sympathetic ear. We are very grateful that Memorial United Methodist Church has offered us a meeting place, support, and hospitality, wanting nothing more than to help our community heal.
I have also given some short talks, leading to discussion, to educate the general public about addiction. Middle Octorara Presbyterian Church was kind enough to sponsor three talks in March and April. Memorial United Methodist Church has stepped up to sponsor a similar set of talks and discussion in April and May. The flyer for these talks is on this page. Both churches have recognized the need to educate the community and help the healing process. As I have said in this blog, I believe that we need to get this information out to everyone who will listen.
Local churches in southern Lancaster County are demonstrating their compassion and service to the community in ways that I hope will continue and spread.
Do you have ideas or experiences to share? Please comment, let’s work together and help each other to understand this problem.